At Sunrise
by Spectrum24
Summary: Even magic has its limits. She helped end a war and lived through some things people never should, but there are certain things that no one can overcome or undo - not even Hermione Granger - and it's a long, hard road to accepting the hand that fate deals. Hermione/Ginny
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"Come on, just talk to Ginny."

Hermione shot her colleague a reprimanding look as she ceased writing on her parchment.

"No," she responded firmly before continuing.

"Please? The Swiss delegate _loves_ the Harpies. If we can get him box seats for the upcoming season he'll be putty in our hands."

"That's not the way we conduct business," Hermione reminded him as she set her quill down and began tidying her papers. She hid a smirk as she heard him groan.

"You really always have to do things the hard way," he complained good-naturedly and she flashed him a quick smile.

"I prefer describing it as doing things the _right_ way," she corrected.

"A bureaucrat through and through," he joked as he got up from his chair and began putting his papers into his bag. He stopped momentarily when he spotted Hermione fumbling to put her own papers away. "Here, let me help."

"Thanks," she mumbled in mild embarrassment as she closed the clasp on her bag and they began to walk to the Atrium. They were about to get into their separate floos when Hermione's coworker tossed one final attempt Hermione's way.

"Box seats! Ginny can score some for sure! If not for the delegate, then hey, how about helping out a friend in need," he smiled winningly.

"Nice try, Clifford," Hermione replied easily.

He snapped his fingers in defeat and gave her a pained look.

As Hermione began to walk into the floo, she paused and a look of contemplation came over her. "You know, Ginny comes home with extra tickets all the time, but I just never know who to give them to. Maybe it's because I'm so busy trying to get my funding approved - if only there was someone who had previously worked in that department and still had connections." She smirked as Clifford's eyes lit up.

"Done. Why didn't you mention it sooner! You get me those tickets, and consider your funding approved," he said eagerly.

She held up her hand. "All I want is for my meeting with the finance minister to be moved up. I'm sure he'll see reason when he hears my arguments for the budget increase."

"Of course," Clifford chuckled with a knowing smile. "Consider it done. I'll have my assistant send you the meeting update tomorrow."

"Do it yourself, Clifford!" She called as she walked into the floo. "Don't be lazy!"

A few moments later Hermione found herself in the living room of the flat that she had been sharing with Ginny for nearly 10 years. She smiled when she heard Ginny's voice coming from the kitchen.

"Perfect timing! I'm just about to take the chicken out and the vegetables are just about ready," the redhead called, peeking her head out to catch Hermione's eye.

"Smells wonderful, Ginny," Hermione said as she came up behind the younger girl to reach over and kiss her on the cheek.

"I know," Ginny replied cheekily. "I am a brilliant cook, thank you for noticing."

"Right. Chicken, vegetables and a side of ego," Hermione deadpanned as she walked to the cupboards and retrieve some dishes. A few moments later she began carefully laying them out on the table.

"Geez, Mione, you're just setting the table, not performing surgery," Ginny commented as she began to pour drinks for the two of them. "Here," she offered quietly as she took a couple of bowls from Hermione and quickly set them out. Hermione huffed quietly, shooting Ginny a look before retorting.

"They're nice plates, Ginny. Maybe_ you_ should be a little more gentle." She watched as Ginny took a seat and sat back. She knew exactly what was coming.

"Mm, nah, I think not. My approach has been working pretty well for me," Ginny replied casually as she reached out and began serving. "Oh, hun, I forgot to grab us some knives, could you grab them?"

"Sure," Hermione agreed as she walked over to the drawer and went to gather up the appropriate utensils. Soon she joined Ginny at the table once more, offering the younger girl a smile.

"How was your day?" Ginny asked as she spooned some vegetables onto Hermione's dish. The brunette gave her girlfriend a tired look.

"Ginny, you know that's too much."

"They're good for you," Ginny replied lightly, hardly blinking an eye at the girl as she ate her own dinner.

"I know that," Hermione refuted. "But you know I can't eat that much."

"Try," Ginny compromised with her usual charming grin. Hermione rolled her eyes as she gathered up a forkful.

"My day was fine," she answered after she finished chewing. "Clifford's badgering me again for season tickets to your games."

Ginny shrugged. "I could get them if you want me to."

"I might need you to. I might've struck up a deal with him. We'll see," Hermione explained.

Ginny was about to respond when the fork slipped out of Hermione's hand and clattered noisily against the dish and onto the table. Hermione jumped slightly at the abrupt sound and the sudden splatter of food.

"You alright?" Ginny asked calmly as she dabbed at the stray bits of food with her napkin.

"Yeah," Hermione laughed. "Of course. Thanks, by the way," she said quietly as she gestured to Ginny cleaning up.

"Sure thing, butterfingers," Ginny said with a wink.

"So, uh, how was your day, Gin?" Hermione asked.

"Fine," Ginny answered with a nod. "Saw Neville today for lunch. He's doing well - I passed on greetings from you."

"Thank you, I feel terrible that I haven't seen him in so long. Shouldn't be so difficult, but I just somehow never make the time to go."

Ginny shook her head. "It happens. Everyone has their own things going on. He understands. You don't have huge chunks of time off like a certain someone - myself," Ginny finished with a mockingly haughty expression.

"I know, how did I wind up with such a slacker," Hermione teased.

"Hey, that library we added on last summer? Courtesy of who, exactly?" Ginny asked as she cleaned up their plates.

"Excuse me, first off, it's a study-"

"It's a library."

"Study," Hermione replied firmly. "And it was a joint purchase."

"I know," Ginny conceded as she walked by and placed a quick kiss atop Hermione's head. "About the joint purchase part. But look at it, it's a damn library."

Hermione let out a frustrated, yet affectionate sigh. "Read the prints, Ginny. They say 'study'."

* * *

"Yes! 10 points!" Ginny cheered as she gleefully jotted down her score.

Hermione huffed. "You know, I'm beginning to regret showing you this game."

A couple of months back, Hermione had come across her family's Scrabble game and she'd brought it home to Ginny to show her. Since then, the younger girl had been hooked and suggested they play it at least once a week. Hermione felt a bit of ambivalence over just how good Ginny was getting.

"Yeah, well don't get too cocky. You're still trailing me by 32 points," Hermione mentioned.

"You're such a spoilsport, Mione," Ginny complained, though with no trace of actual upset.

"What would your teammates think of their star chaser staying home in the evenings and playing boardgames with her girlfriend?" Hermione challenged with a smirk.

"Well that doesn't sound nearly as bad as staying home and playing boardgames with 'my wife', so I'm okay with that," Ginny said with a dismissive wave.

Hermione rolled her eyes and bit back a laugh. "When does training season start again?"

"You're stuck with a couple more weeks of concentrated attention, my dear," Ginny replied.

Hermione considered a witty comeback, but instead just reached across and gave her lover a light shove. She caught the look Ginny gave her, a look Hermione couldn't help but describe as, well, one of great affection. She'd always wondered, in the back of her mind, if one day Ginny would stop looking at her that way - that day had never come. Hermione couldn't explain how in the world that had come to be the case, but she certainly wasn't complaining.

"Do you want more tea?" Hermione asked as she nodded to Ginny's cup. When Ginny nodded her confirmation, Hermione went over to the kitchen and grabbed the tea. When she returned, the end of her foot caught the corner of the rug and she spilled half of her tea right on the board.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," Hermione breathed as she hurriedly set down the cups and rushed to grab some towels.

"If that's not sabotage, I don't know what is," Ginny ribbed as she took one of the towels from Hermione and helped clean up. "I get that you're secretly, dangerously competitive, but let's play fair, now."

"I'm so sorry," Hermione repeated before complaining, "Oh, what a mess."

Ginny shushed her gently. "It's fine. Are you okay? I didn't ask."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Hermione said in a rush of annoyance. She caught the glance from Ginny, but ignored it. Ginny seemed content to carry on as well.

"Hey, look. Oo, I like this one. If you rearrange these letters, you get F-U-C-"

"Ginny!"

"Well, it's a word."

Hermione was about to enter a spirited debate with Ginny when her thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing.

"This discussion isn't finished, Gin," Hermione called over her shoulder as she went to answer the phone. She had to laugh about how the sound of the device still caught Ginny off-guard. It only ever rang when Hermione's parents called. She glanced back into the living room as she was about to pick up the phone. "No cheating!" She scolded as she pointed a finger at the mischievous redhead. A hint of a smile graced her face as she answered.

"Hello?"

The unfamiliar voice on the other end of the line caused her smile to slowly fade from her face.

"Yes, yes, that's fine. Mhm. Sure, I'll be there. Sounds good. Okay. Understood. Thank you."

Hermione cleared her throat before she quickly pressed 'end'. She brought a hand up to her mouth and held it there as her eyes remained trained on the wall in front of her. Her mind quickly erupted in a chaotic whirlwind of thoughts as her imagination ran wild. Before the call had even ended, a heavy, dark pit had formed in the bottom of her stomach and it wasn't about to go away. She began to pull at her fingers anxiously as her heart beat steadily and loudly in her chest.

Hermione was ripped from her trance as Ginny's voice carried in from the other room.

"Hey, you might as well just stay in there and start making my butter tarts because I've got this game in the bag."

Hermione exhaled quickly. She brightened as she turned on her heel and rounded the corner to join Ginny in the living room once more.

"I think not. You're going to be making bread pudding. I admire your confidence, though."

Ginny scoffed as she waved the brunette over.

"Enough talk, Granger. Let's go."

Hermione smiled at the girl before her, only after realizing perhaps a bit too poignantly. She caught herself with a laugh and Ginny just chuckled along with her.

"Hey, who was that anyway?" Ginny asked as she rearranged her letters.

Hermione's heart raced as she foresaw Ginny seeing right through her. "Just my parents. They need me to run some errands for them."

Ginny offered her a sympathetic smile. "One good thing about having so many sibling, if my parents need anything, that responsibility can be doled out six different ways. Did you want help? I have to run a couple of errands, but I can come with you."

"No thank you, Ginny," Hermione replied as she reached across and grazed the redhead's hand. "I'll be fine," she went on with a sure smile. "Now, you better quit stalling or else you're going to be up until 1am baking. And quite frankly, I don't want to be eating bread pudding at 1am."

Ginny raised her eyebrows as she started laying out her letters. "Well thank Merlin for that, cause you're going to be eating butter tarts."

**AN**: Hello everyone! Long time, no see (so to speak). I recently started pulling this story together and thought I'd try my shot at posting it to see what you guys thought. There isn't going to be much magic, but I wanted to write something with these characters in this sort of situation and explore the depth of emotion and how they might navigate such a thing. More obviously will be revealed next chapter. This story will not be of epic lengths like some of my other ones - more like snapshots in time. As always though, I would greatly, greatly appreciate any feedback you have to give. I hope everyone - new and existing readers - have been doing well. Take care.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Miss? Hey. End of the line."

Hermione snapped back to reality as the voice infiltrated her thoughts. Her gaze honed in on the bus driver who was looking at her with an impatient expression.

"Oh, um, I'm sorry," she stammered as she got up in a frazzle. She exhaled quickly as she took hurried steps to the back door of the bus. She'd just opened the door when the driver called to her again.

"Don't forget your bag."

Hermione frowned at him in confusion before glancing back to the seat she was at.

"Oh god. Thank you," she breathed as she rushed back and snatched up her bag. She shook her head in a vain attempt to clear her head of the dark cloud that'd enveloped her since her appointment. She muttered her thanks once more before rushing back to the door and getting off the bus.

She released a shaky breath as she looked around at her surroundings only to find that she didn't recognize any of them. Her forehead creased with the realization that she must've passed her stop quite a ways back. Come to think of it, she wasn't even sure if she had been on the right bus. Did this bus always come this way?

She looked around aimlessly as she attempted to gather her bearings. She briefly considered apparating back to the Ministry, but even now she was able to recognize that she was in no shape to be apparating anywhere. If she would be foolish enough to attempt it, she'd get splinched for sure.

Instead, she decided it would do her some good to walk; get some fresh air. She folded her arms tightly against herself as she walked along the sidewalk. She glanced around aimlessly, vaguely noting the buildings and street names around her. She mindlessly weaved through the groups of people and eventually found herself at another bus stop. She sighed as she examined the bus route. She must've read it over five times before she finally realized that it was the appropriate bus. The only coherent thought in her head was that she was late for her meeting with the Minister.

As she got on the bus, her hands shook as she retrieved her Oyster card and scanned it. With relief, she spotted an empty row of seats near the back and she sat down in one of the vacant seats willing for the other one to stay empty. She really couldn't handle any small talk right now.

Sometime later Hermione rushed down the hall to the Minister for Magic's office. She was nearly there when she came to an abrupt halt. She felt bile begin to work its way up her throat and she ran for the nearest bathroom. She threw the stall door open with a loud, disruptive bang and found herself kneeling over the toilet as she threw up. She retched a few times, thankful that the entire bathroom appeared to be empty, before she was able to pull back with a few deep breaths. When she reached for some toilet paper to wipe her mouth, her hands were shaking even more than before.

She slowly got up and shuffled towards the sink, leaning heavily against it as she tried to regain her strength and calm her nerves. When she looked in the mirror, she wasn't surprised to see her face as white as a sheet. Any colour she had prior was as good as gone. She stared for several moments at her reflection, her thoughts bouncing from here to there before eventually slipping into a void. Her features crumbled for a split second as she nearly let her emotions get the better of her, but she forced herself to shut them out and focus on the task at hand - meet with the Minister.

She washed and dried her hands in a rush. She looked back in the mirror and rubbed her cheeks in an effort to get some blood flowing and a bit of her colour back. Instead her skin ended up looking blotchy and raw. She exhaled heavily as she checked her watch once more and departed for the Minister's office in hopes that her bout of nausea was over and done with. She could only pray that he wouldn't notice her disheveled state and ask questions - she wouldn't know what to say.

* * *

Hermione found herself on auto-pilot for the rest of the day. The Minister easily forgave her tardiness and she'd carried on with her day by floating from meeting to meeting. She'd made a point of being engaged in meetings and in hallway conversations though. In actuality, she'd made a point of being more engaged than usual. A brief recollection of herself in first year came to mind as she jumped to answer and contribute in her meetings. What was less like her first year-self was how she was chatty and chipper with her colleagues. How are the kids, Miranda? Did you end up planting that garden over the weekend, Tim? What do you think of the new restaurant that opened in Diagon Alley? Just anything to keep her mind off of where it immediately shifted.

In fact, as she noticed a few of her colleagues packing up for the day, she rushed out of her office and eagerly suggested they go to the Leaky Cauldron together. It didn't slip past her how surprised her colleagues were by her suggestion. Though they were appreciative and receptive, they didn't pass up the chance to rib her a bit over it since she was usually the one they had to drag to social events. Normally, she'd be put off and hastily defend herself, but today, she took the comments in stride and easily bantered with them. Turns out that spending so many years with Ginny had eventually taught her how to effortlessly charm in and navigate any social situation - to some degree anyway.

To her surprise, she was able to carry on in much the same manner as she and her coworkers enjoyed a few drinks and dinner together. Under the circumstances, she'd considered knocking back a few firewhiskey, but ultimately decided that she'd be best off leaving it at butterbeer. Anything else could lead to a bit of a slippery slope.

It was several hours later before Hermione finally arrived in the living room of her flat. Her breath caught briefly in her throat when she saw Ginny sitting on the couch. There was nothing remarkable about the sight, it was just Ginny sitting there reading a magazine, but it was enough. The chipper facade she'd plastered on earlier was as good as gone the second she saw Ginny and it was swiftly replaced with a feeling of awkwardness and trepidation.

"Thought I was going to have to send out a flock of owls to locate you," Ginny joked nonchalantly as she flipped the page of her magazine. She glanced up with a light look in her eyes a moment later. "Did you get caught up at work?"

"No," Hermione responded a bit curtly as a frown graced her face and she fidgeted slightly on the spot. "I just went out with colleagues after work. That's allowed."

Ginny frowned at her before her eyes shifted away in a sidelong glance. "Yeah, obviously. I was just teasing."

A sudden urge to snap at Ginny came over Hermione like a rush. At the last second she managed to hold back and instead, wisely, mercifully, turned on her heel and went to the bedroom to get changed without speaking a word. She'd only gotten to the bedroom when she heard Ginny's laugh filter in.

"Babe, I was just kidding. Don't be mad," she called from the living room.

A shaky sigh escaped Hermione as she put her shirt on over her head. She called back.

"I'm just tired. I'm going to get some sleep."

She didn't intend for her tone to be short, but it came out that way despite her efforts. Soon, Ginny was in the doorway leaning against the frame. A curious, concerned look was on her face.

"Sure, Mione. Um, I'll see you in the morning then?"

"Yeah," Hermione answered with a tight smile before heading to her side of the bed only to be intercepted by Ginny offering her a goodnight kiss. For the first time in years, and certainly in a different way, Hermione tensed up in Ginny's embrace. She readily ignored the expression on Ginny's face as she pulled away and quickly got under the covers.

"Are you sure everything's okay?" Ginny asked.

Hermione bit back an annoyed sigh, but instead took the moment quietly, slowly release a tense breath.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Gin. I told you, I'm just tired."

She closed her eyes, noting Ginny's hesitation.

"Alright. Well, I'll see you tomorrow then. Night."

Hermione felt Ginny hovering in the doorway behind her. Several moments passed before the redhead turned out the lights. Only then did Hermione quietly return the statement.

"Night."

* * *

The following day, late at night in the Ministry, Hermione sat at her desk surrounded by heaps of books and papers. While not an entirely uncommon sight, this time things were different. Instead of papers on history and legislatures, Hermione was surrounded by medical journals and medical spellbooks. She searched endlessly for any spell, potion, anything, anything that could help her.

The hours wore on and the stack of papers and books before Hermione grew hopelessly thin. Soon she found herself with her hands balled into fists pressed against her temples as she searched for any bit of hope. Despite what she wanted to believe, it appeared that even magic had its limitations.

**AN**: Hi everyone :) It was great to hear from you guys. I hope the story doesn't disappoint. I hope you stick around to see how things develop. Again, not a super joyful, rainbow-y story, but there will be happier moments in time :p Thanks again!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Hermione slowly walked along the bank looking idly up at the trees that were in full bloom. The forest was vastly different now than when she was here last. She hadn't been here since she and Harry had come here in a desperate attempt to escape snatchers and the like. Ron had come back to them here. This place held many memories for her and fostered a variety of different feelings. One thing always rang true though, this place presented a calm during times of upheaval.

She was pulled from her thoughts as she heard the distinct cracking noise of someone apparating in. She turned to see Harry approaching her.

"You know, I can only assume the worst when you want me to meet you here," Harry declared, half joking.

Hermione shook her head fondly. Sometimes she forgot how spot on Harry could be. She offered him a brave smile.

"This place holds good memories for me. And, it's a place that seems to provide peace and calm during...the worst of times."

Harry seemed a bit taken aback as he chuckled uneasily and gave her a slightly perplexed look.

"I was just kind of joking, but I'm actually starting to get a bad feeling about this," Harry clarified as he narrowed his eyes at her. "What's going on, Hermione?"

"I got here an hour earlier just because I wanted to take a quiet walk through the woods," she told him softly as she turned and began to slowly walk on. "It's funny, you know. We get so caught up in all sorts of things in life. The deadline for an assignment that's coming up, the grocery store doesn't have the type of bread you want, the person walking in front of you is walking too slowly," she rattled off before coming to a stop and shaking her head. She looked sadly over her shoulder at him. "You'd think we'd have all learned to appreciate every single moment by now, after all we've been through. I haven't though. I'm guilty of that. And I certainly didn't appreciate the fact that I can walk around these woods without even thinking about it. Thinking about the act of movement itself. You don't appreciate something that's so natural. I mean, you've been doing it - with varying levels of success - since you were a year or two old. You assume you're going to keep doing it forever, or, well, until you're old and gray."

"Hermione," Harry interjected, his tone warning the brunette. A misty smile formed on her face once more before walking back over to him. She took a deep breath as she looked him in the eyes.

"I haven't told anyone," she said, her voice quiet and meek. She cleared her throat. "I, uh, I've seen a few Healers over the past few months. A lot, actually."

She saw Harry about to interrupt again and she purposefully talked over him.

"But they couldn't find anything. I was happy, at first. But, I just couldn't find relief in it. I just kept hoping the symptoms would go away - that maybe I was being paranoid." She swallowed before forcing herself to go on. "But they didn't go away. They got worse. Eventually I saw a Muggle doctor, several, actually, until I was referred to a specialist." She gave him a watery smile. "And, now I know why the symptoms didn't go away."

"Hermione," Harry said, his voice almost pleading as he began to shake his head, a notable sense of caution and even fear in his eyes.

"I'm sick, Harry," Hermione announced. The words turned out to be slightly easier to say than she thought they'd be. She knew why though, she knew it was because that wasn't confession enough - there was more to admit to.

"What do you mean 'you're sick'," Harry immediately questioned in concern. "You-"

"Harry," she said curtly. "I'm not going to get better. I'm going to get worse. And worse. Until, well..."

"What," Harry hissed, seemingly angry. "That's bullocks. You're only 26. Come on, now. Who were these doctors? We'll find you someone better. I don't believe any of that for a second. Don't pay any attention to that, Hermione," he insisted.

Hermione shook her head and forced a smile. "You know me, Harry," she chuckled. "I believe in thorough research above all else. I've done my research. Double-checking. Triple-checking. And they've been doing so many tests for months. All those results aren't wrong. I have Steantenosis."

"Well I've never even heard of that," Harry responded curtly.

"Neither had I," Hermione informed him. "Have you heard of ALS? It's sometimes misdiagnosed as that."

Harry went to argue with her, but ultimately closed his mouth. He gave her such a look that it seemed as though she had physically hurt him; as though her words took the wind right out of him. Just when she thought he was on the brink of acceptance, he shook his stubborn head and fought on as Harry always did.

"Then we'll find a way to deal with it using magic," he declared defiantly.

She just stared silently at him and he exploded, turning and storming several feet away before rounding on her.

"Don't you dare, Hermione! Don't you dare just _take_ that. You have to fight. You _always_ have to fight. You can't give up. Not after everything we survived. There's no way some...silly illness," he emphasized in disgust, "is going to take away any of what you worked so hard to achieve."

Hermione allowed her eyebrows to knit together. "Of course I'm going to fight. But...I have to accept that all the fighting in the world isn't going to fix anything. It'll just slow things down. Healers have no experience with this kind of thing and while certain potions could help, there is no cure – Muggle or magic."

Harry still wore a look of aggravation.

"I don't believe it," he persisted. "There must be someone in the Wizarding world that knows about it and how to deal with it."

Hermione's shoulders fell as she exhaled tiredly. "Harry, I've spoken with countless Healers, Potioneers...you name it." She shook her head dejectedly.

Harry took in her demeanour and his jaw set even more than before. His arms were crossed as he briefly turned away before facing her and nearly challenging her with his question.

"So...what. What exactly is supposed to happen?"

Hermione released a weary sigh.

"Um...basically, my body just shuts down. Everything just stops working. One thing at a time, maybe all very close together...but my body just gives out."

Harry frowned, apparently contemplating her statement. "Okay, so, um, you know, maybe...10 years from now, you can't walk as well? But, you know, scientists are finding cures and treatments for things all the time. I'm sure there'll be something. And I'm sure magic can ease things."

Hermione offered him a conciliatory smile. "Not 10 years," she stated gently. "And it'll be worse than 'not walking so well'."

"Well this attitude of yours won't help. Attitude makes a big difference in how these things go."

She knew he was scolding her because he was struggling to process his own emotions and he was hurt and frustrated, but she just couldn't take much more.

"Harry! Please!" She implored, her voice breaking. She swallowed before carrying on purposefully. "I'm dying." Suddenly she became acutely aware of the stillness around them. A soft, desperate breath escaped her mouth. "I'm dying...and that's just how it is." She tried to swallow the truth with grace and dignity, but instead her face screwed up in anger. "And of course I wish it wasn't true! I'd give anything for this to not be true!" Her breath hitched. "I don't want this!"

She'd hardly blinked before Harry rushed forward and pulled her into a fierce hug. She didn't know how long they stayed that way - she just cried into his shoulder and felt him cry against her too. It felt so final, yet so freeing to cry - to finally cry. She hadn't allowed herself this since she'd received her fateful diagnosis. But here, in a friend's embrace, as she finally admitted to what she was up against made it all so real and so true.

In time, while still clutching her tightly against him, Harry spoke.

"I don't want to lose you."

Eventually, they sat down against a tree together - in fact, the same one as they had all those years ago. Neither of them spoke for several moments before a bitter smile crossed Hermione's lips.

"I always imagined that I'd take my kids here someday. Take them out here for a day like my parents did with me." She felt Harry's thoughtful eyes on her. "I figured I'd have two kids. I appreciated the perks of growing up as an only child, but," she shrugged, "it could be lonely sometimes." A light laugh escaped her throat. "I would never in a million years have as many kids as Molly. Never. But two, that seemed perfect. I figured one of them would be a bit of a handful. Perhaps a bit like Ginny. And the other would have a few more of my qualities. Wouldn't matter though," she went on as her gaze dropped. "I would've loved them both more than anything."

Hermione shook her head ruefully.

"All the things you think you have time for. The things you just expect to happen. We would've bought a house someday. I thought maybe after I'd put in a number of years at the Ministry, that maybe I'd teach at Hogwarts. There are so many places I want to see. So many things I still want to do. I feel like I have so much more to give."

"You can still do them...you still have lots of opportunities," Harry asserted quietly, but Hermione didn't have to know him for years to know that doubt had crept into his words. Ultimately, she couldn't find it in herself to respond.

Eventually Harry took a shuddering breath, clearing his throat and speaking.

"So nobody else knows?"

Hermione sniffled, wiping her nose hastily.

"That's right."

Harry sighed heavily, staring off into the distance. He shook his head. "You have to tell the others. Especially Ginny."

Hermione didn't verbally respond and instead just subtly nodded her understanding. She felt Harry shift his gaze towards her.

"Does she have any clue?"

Hermione shook her head 'no'.

"I've made a point of keeping things discreet and quiet. I didn't want her to worry. I was hoping there'd be nothing to worry about." She sighed dejectedly. "I mean, at first I thought it was nothing, so I didn't think it was even worth mentioning. She was on the road anyway, so it just didn't come up. Then when I really did start to consider that maybe it's something worse, well, I just didn't want to burden her with it. I figured there was no point in worrying her. You know she's unflappable for the most part, but, she tends to be a little different when it comes to me."

Despite everything, Harry smirked. "A little different?"

Hermione returned his look, but soon her eyes welled with tears. "How can I tell her? It'll break her heart."

She sniffled a few times more as Harry's arm came up to rest across her shoulder and he gave her a comforting squeeze. She wiped her eyes and confided in him once more.

"I, um, I have to admit that I've been a bit...aloof with Ginny lately. It wasn't my intention, but, I don't know. I can't explain. I just tense up and I feel this need to shut her out. She hasn't done anything wrong at all, but every time I'm around her, I'm just instantly irritable and mad at her."

"Well, I can imagine how things like this come up. You'll figure it out. Sometimes it's hardest with the ones we love most," Harry pondered.

"Yeah," Hermione agreed with a slight dip of her head. "I should be running to her. I should've had her with me at the appointment. The day I found out, I should've crawled into bed with her, cried on her shoulder and sought her support, but instead I just turned my back to her. She should be the one I'm most open with during all of this. But...I just can't."

"Well, I know you're struggling, you have a lot to process...but...Ginny still has a right to know. I'm here for you, anything you need, you know that, but," he released a quick breath, "you're going to need her more than anyone. She'll be heartbroken, but she'll be your strongest supporter as well."

"I know," she admitted with what she imagined couldn't be anything other than a grim look. She leaned her head back against the tree and exhaled. "But, can we stay here? Just for a little while?"

A feeling of warmth radiated through her cold hand as Harry's fingers intertwined with hers.

"Sure."

**AN**: Hi everyone :) Thank you again for all of the interest. I'm especially pleased since I wasn't entirely sure how alive and well the fandom for this pairing was these days - glad to see the love for this couple is still going strong! So, you may have noticed, lol, I made up Hermione's condition. I just wanted to avoid direct comparisons and getting completely tied up in technicalities and details, but as mentioned in the story, imagine that it's similar to ALS.

Crookshanks, I forgot to answer you last time, I'll put the link back up for the blog - I'm shocked that there was any interest in it and I fully admit that I've entirely neglected to update it. But, a friend and I have been encouraging each other to keep up with our blogs, so the timing is perfect. Thank you for inquiring!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Hermione sat at the kitchen table and slowly shifted her spoon around through her bowl of oatmeal. She had the newspaper open before her and her eyes scanned the page, but her thoughts were most definitely elsewhere. Having Ginny buzzing around her certainly didn't help her state.

A sigh escaped her mouth as she rubbed her aching shoulders. Unfortunately, the effort it took to rub her shoulders caused a dull ache in her hands as well. An involuntary wince crossed her face as she brought her hand back down to straighten out her paper.

Only a moment had passed before Ginny's nimble hands were on her shoulders and massaging the sore muscles that rest there. While part of her wanted nothing more than to relax into Ginny's touch, a larger part of her protested and she found herself tensing up and shrugging Ginny's hands off of her. She huffed irritably as she straightened her posture.

"I'm fine, Ginny," she assured the redhead in a low voice.

"'Kay. Sure," Ginny replied in much the same way, clearly put off by Hermione's rebuff as she walked away and busied herself elsewhere.

Hermione's face fell just a touch as a wave of guilt ran through her. She cautiously glanced over her shoulder to see Ginny getting some things together in the living room. Her expression softened furthermore as she watched her lover. She'd never felt this kind of conflict with or hesitation around Ginny. Hermione was on the verge of offering Ginny an apology, wanting the younger girl to come back, when Ginny did so on her own.

"Hey, I'm going to stop by the owlery on my way home and will pick up that order of yours, okay? I got the notification yesterday, but I didn't have a chance to go by," Ginny explained mildly, only half trying to catch Hermione's eye, who now found herself newly focused on her breakfast.

"Thanks," Hermione mumbled before eating a spoonful of oatmeal.

Ginny sighed tiredly. "Hello? Are you in there? What's up, Mione? You've been strange for weeks now."

Instead of apologizing, instead of explaining, Hermione shot her girlfriend a look of annoyance.

"I have not," she declared.

"Yeah, you have," Ginny retaliated with ease.

Hermione pictured their conversation going a million different, better ways, but again, she made an ill-advised decision.

"I'm just having a rough couple of weeks, okay, Gin? Is that a problem? I don't need you badgering me on top of the other things I'm dealing with," she snapped.

Ginny shot Hermione a mild scowl as she began gathering up her things again. "Well you also don't need to take it out on me, either. I didn't mean to badger. I'm just checking in. You could also tell me what you're dealing with recently. Maybe I can help."

A weary sigh worked its way out of Hermione's throat. "No, Gin. I'm fine," she asserted as she flipped the page. She heard Ginny mutter something irritably, but couldn't quite make it out.

"You don't seem fine," Ginny spoke up. "If you want to talk about anything, even just to vent, you know I'll listen."

"Thank you," Hermione replied dully as she pushed her bowl away. She was only half done, but the thought of eating any more made her stomach churn.

"Mione, you hardly touched your breakfast," Ginny pointed out.

"I'm not hungry," Hermione replied crossly. "What, are you my mother now?"

To Hermione's surprise, Ginny smirked at her.

"No. Apparently, I've turned into my own mother. Your mother would just leave you to make your own decisions. My mum on the other hand..."

Despite Hermione's bad mood, she couldn't help but return Ginny's smirk. She even bit back a chuckle. What worried her was the fact that she fought it. Ginny pulling a laugh out of her at a time like this should've been the most desirable and admirable thing in the world - not something she wanted to stomp out.

Before Hermione could debate with herself anymore or succeed in spurring anger towards Ginny again, the redhead picked up her bag and approached. She rested a warm hand on Hermione's shoulder as she leaned down and laid a quick kiss on top of the brunette's head.

"I hope your day goes better today, Mione. I'll see you tonight. Love you."

Hermione turned in her chair and followed Ginny with her eyes. She missed Ginny's touch immediately and was partially tempted to just get up and throw herself into the woman's arms, but instead remained stubbornly rooted to her chair, a stoic expression on her face.

Ginny caught Hermione's eye as she turned and entered the floo. The redhead gave her a flash of a smile and a wave before the flames took her away, leaving Hermione alone once more.

Hermione released a shuddering sigh as she faced forward in her seat again and slid partway down, allowing her body to finally relax. Yet, she felt no comfort. Her hands came up and she slowly rubbed her face.

"What am I doing?"

* * *

That evening Hermione purposely stayed late at work. Yet again she surrounded herself with medical journal and articles in a continued attempt to discover something she might've missed before. She knew how important it was for her to go to physio and keep up with her appointments, but she had to be honest, she hadn't. She'd gone to one support meeting for those who shared her diagnosis and she left within 15 minutes. She couldn't bear to see the others in wheelchairs and so blatantly ailing.

Her focus got lost in the blur of words before her and she closed her eyes, resting her hands against her forehead. The only sound in the office was the steady ticking of a nearby clock. Her mind drifted and she felt herself begin to tear up, but she abruptly tilted her head back and took several deep breaths in an attempt to maintain her composure. Her attempts didn't work as well as she'd like as she suddenly felt overcome with a sense of loneliness. There was such a void in her now and even Ginny couldn't fill it. She wanted to go home, cuddle up with Ginny on the couch, but at the same time, the very thought made her body rigid with tension.

Hermione attempted to read through a few more articles, but eventually admitted defeat and pulled out her wand. She tapped her desk and the papers transformed back into Ministry documents and shifted themselves into neat piles. Slow rising from her chair, she became acutely aware of how stiff she felt and her mind rushed to chalk it up as nothing more than her sitting for too long. She'd noticed little differences nearly every day and she refused to believe that they could be anything more than her mind playing tricks on her. She'd read about cases where things progressed unmercifully quickly, but she was younger than those people and she'd always had good health before - those cases weren't her. Certainly not.

Some time later, she came through the floo in her flat. She frowned slightly at the darkness of the flat, deducing that Ginny wasn't at home. Instantly, she felt resentment burrowing its way through her system. If she'd known that Ginny wouldn't even be home, she would've jus stayed at work. She'd come home in an attempt to talk with Ginny, and sure enough, the girl wasn't here.

In a huff, Hermione quickly made up her dinner, finding some relief in closing the drawers and cupboards just a little bit harder than she should've.

While eating, she fumbled her spoon and in a burst of outrage, she threw the utensil clear across the room. The clanging of the spoon against the tile floor rang painfully in her ears and she just buried her face in her hands. A moment of stillness passed before she got up with a sniffle and picked the spoon up off of the floor. She approached the sink and gripped the counter tightly as she took several calming breaths. She was just on the verge of calming down when she hear the fireplace roar to life. Screwing her eyes shut and dropping her head, she waited for Ginny's arrival.

"Mione?" Ginny called.

Hermione heard her lover's footsteps approaching and she busied herself at the cupboard, keeping her back to Ginny as she didn't trust herself to make eye contact with the girl and managing to stay even.

"Hi Mione," Ginny sweetly greeted.

Hermione tried to find her voice, knowing fully well that if she spoke as is, her voice would catch. Thankfully, Ginny continued.

"Sorry I wasn't here. I came home and you weren't here - I wasn't sure when you'd be home, so I went to meet up with Katie. I got your package, by the w-"

Hermione scoffed. "Cause you don't see Katie enough." Apparently all she needed was spite to find her voice.

There was an audible pause and Hermione could just imagine the look on Ginny's face. She couldn't find it in herself to turn and face the girl, though.

"Actually, Katie plays for a different team than me, so no, her and I don't see each other every day," Ginny replied purposefully. Hermione continued to busy herself by shifting plates about. "Anyway, as I was saying...," Ginny continued, "I picked up your package. I put it in the study."

"Great."

She heard Ginny sigh behind her from the table.

"Mione, are you going to tell me what's bothering you?" Ginny asked, her voice still gentle, but with an undeniable hint of exasperation.

"Nothing, Gin," Hermione persisted, her tone cutting.

Another sigh.

"If I've done something to upset you, I hate to admit it, but I need you to help me out a little here, because I'm lost. I don't know what I've done." Hermione refused to respond and Ginny huffed. "Hermione. I know something's bothering you. I think that's pretty clear."

Hermione shot a look of warning over her shoulder at Ginny. "So what? Stop trying to fix everything, Ginny."

A frown crossed Ginny's face, a mixture of annoyance and confusion as she spoke. "Okay? I didn't think that was a bad thing."

"Course not," Hermione snapped as she stormed past Ginny and into the living room.

"What the fuck, Hermione? And I wasn't necessarily trying to _fix_ anything. I was just trying to see what's got you so riled up. You know, maybe try to be helpful or supportive - imagine that. Honestly, I don't think I've seen you this irritable before - during the war, during NEWTs."

"Well I don't need you to be do any of that," Hermione countered as she turned on Ginny, arms crossed. "And don't swear. It's unattractive."

Ginny rolled her eyes before carrying on seamlessly. "I'll stop swearing when you stop acting like such a bitch."

Hermione should've been insulted or put off by Ginny's proclamation, but for some reason she had to admire Ginny's boldness. She turned away, silent. She heard Ginny exhale quietly.

"Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. But...you're clearly upset and I can't just sit around and ignore that. I'd like to know what's going on, but...you're right...it's your life, you don't _have_ to tell me anything. But I'd certainly like to know and to help if I can."

While touched by Ginny's steadfast devotion and support - so very typical of Ginny - Hermione had to battle this incessant need to push Ginny away.

"Apology accepted. Anyway, I've had a very long day. I'm going to take a bath and then go to sleep."

Ginny rolled her eyes as her temper flared up once more. "I've hardly seen you the past couple of weeks, Hermione! Every time we're home together you need to leave or you need to go to sleep or you just don't want to talk. What the Hell is going on? You're never like this with me. You're irritable, you're disengaged, but I hear you're fine with everyone else. So what did I do? Whatever it is, I'm sorry."

As Ginny's words set in, a scowl formed on Hermione's face. "You can't _fix_ everything, Ginny. Okay? Some things you just can't fix. That's life."

"What are - what?" Ginny asked, thoroughly perplexed.

A sudden calm came over Hermione as their inevitable conversation neared. Yet, her voice still trembled a hint as she carried on.

"Ginny, what would you do if I wasn't myself?" She asked in a hurried breath.

The other girl frowned again. "Not yourself, as in...?"

"Just not myself! If I couldn't do or be any of the things that make me, me," the brunette answered in exasperation.

Ginny cocked an eyebrow - unwisely so. "You mean you wouldn't be surly and irritable anymore?"

"I'm not kidding!" Hermione exploded, outright yelling at Ginny as she rounded on her. The outburst visibly shocked Ginny who was stunned into submission.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, her demeanour meek and humble. "Honey, I love you. Whatever were to happen...I'd be here."

Hermione released an angry scoff, thankful that tears didn't sting at her eyes like she expected.

"Easier said than done. We'll see if you're still here a year from now."

Hermione watched as her lover's eyes grew wide and fear set in. She'd only seen Ginny with this expression on her face a handful of times, and certainly not in recent years.

"What are you talking about? Hermione, for Merlin's sake, spit it out."

When the brunette spoke, her voice was shaking and her delivery was aggressive. "I went to a doctor, okay? You know how I've been a bit clumsy lately? I've been sore? Yeah, it's not stress or lack of sleep. Ginny. I've probably got a year. Maybe two."

The younger girl looked away for a split second in disbelief before looking back. She forced out a chuckle. "What do you mean you 'have a year'? Who the Hell told you that?"

Hermione began tiredly explaining everything that she'd told Harry. Ginny attempted to interrupt a couple of times, but Hermione made sure to get as much out there as she could. Just as she expected, Ginny refused to accept the news. Hermione was so tired already of this quest for hope. She knew that it'd only been a short while since it'd been official, but truly, this had been going on for months. As such, Hermione ended up tuning out Ginny's protests and had to make a conscious effort to refocus.

"-well, then we'll go to Norway. Or Sweden. We'll look for other options and experts," Ginny asserted. She waited for Hermione to respond, and when she received no reaction she mustered up a slight chuckle. "Hermione, come on. You're the most persistent and resilient person I know..."

Hermione still couldn't find the words to say and merely looked away. She sensed that Ginny was slightly deterred by the rebuff, but forced onward with her optimism.

"I'll ask around and will look into things. There's always a way to solve things. How often do doctors or Healers say one thing and then it's actually another. Don't worry Mione, it'll be fine. And really, we're in the best position to deal with something like this. We both have a lot of connections - someone will know someone who will have a solution."

Hermione fought the urge to yell at Ginny. The girl's naivety did nothing other than spark a fire of rage inside of Hermione. Somehow, she managed to refrain and instead just snapped, "Ginny, do you think I'd just accept this without questioning? Of _course_ I've asked around. If there was some cure, I'd know. And besides, this has nothing to do with magic. And I've sought the help of more than one doctor." A cold smile crossed her lips. "Aren't you happy you dated a Mudblood? That's the only way you'd get to experience something like this other than by dating a Muggle."

"Hermione, quit that," Ginny reprimanded. "Blood status doesn't matter at all. We'll get through this - Muggle illness or not."

Hermione shook her head in frustration. She just felt so fed up and couldn't help but feel resentful of how she had to be the voice of reason and pragmatism yet again.

"Well, I won't give up. I-"

"Ginny! Stop! Please."

Hermione's pleas caused Ginny to sputter her argument, but it wasn't long before Ginny refrained altogether. Instead, Ginny approached the brunette and went to cup the girl's face only to have Hermione turn away. Through her peripheral vision, Hermione could see the disheartened look on Ginny's face as she slowly dropped her hand.

"I'm here for you, Hermione. Always. No matter what."

For a brief second, Hermione considered embracing Ginny. However, the thought was quickly banished and Hermione sat down wordlessly on the couch with her hands clasped tightly together in her lap. She stared straight forward, but could feel Ginny's eyes on her. Sad, loving, scared eyes, and ones that she couldn't take right now.

As Ginny joined Hermione on the couch, she attempted to put her arm around the brunette's waist. Though Hermione accepted, her body stiffened upon the contact. She felt Ginny nearly pull away, but ultimately allowing her hand to remain on Hermione's hip.

"How long have you known?" Ginny spoke tentatively, apprehensive about disturbing the silence.

Hermione sighed and gave the redhead a cursory glance.

"A while."

Ginny was clearly displeased with the response, but ignored the older girl's vagueness and probed again.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? I should've been there with you when you found out. You shouldn't have had to take that on alone."

"I know you would've been there if I'd asked you to be," Hermione replied simply and her tone apparently such that it ceased any further comments from the other girl.

They sat there for several moments in silence. Ginny's eyes searched Hermione's for any hint of guidance on what to do.

"I love you," Ginny eventually confessed.

Hermione remained unresponsive at first, but soon her lip trembled and she started to cry as she buried her face in her hands. In a flash, Ginny was attempting to coddle her. Ginny tightened her embrace and began to whisper warm, sweet words and all Hermione could think of was getting away.

Hermione abruptly stood, aware of leaving a rejected Ginny behind on the couch.

"Hermione," Ginny implored. Hermione sniffled through her tears and tried to find her voice, though forcing herself to at least offer Ginny a conciliatory glance.

"I'm sorry. I just need some time."  
The words were hardly out of her mouth before she stalked off to the guest room and closed the door firmly behind her. She lay down on the bed as she tried to stifle her tears. It was only a matter of moments before she heard Ginny's hesitant footsteps approaching on the other side of the door. Despite the proximity, Ginny didn't speak and Hermione found herself growing irrationally irate. Finally, Ginny spoke, her voice muffled by the door.

"Hermione...I completely understand that you need time. I really do. And I just want you to know that I'll do whatever you need. Whatever you need from me, just say the word. I love you and I'm here for you. I-"

"Go away, Ginny!"

Something snapped inside of Hermione. The more love and devotion Ginny showed, the more antagonism the brunette felt.

"Please," Hermione added, her voice wavering.

Silence came from the other side of the door until Ginny's tentative footsteps departed and the older girl immediately began to cry once more as a sense of loss overwhelmed her. She couldn't stand having Ginny close, but it devastated her to know that she was chasing her away. Nothing felt right.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The early morning light had hardly begun to filter through the window when Hermione decided that trying to get more sleep was a fruitless effort. With some exertion, she slowly sat up in bed though her body complained about the movement.

She shifted quietly to the edge of the bed, swinging her legs over and she waited. There were no signs of life in the flat and for that Hermione was grateful. Perhaps Ginny had left altogether, gone to her parents, or perhaps she was just asleep. In any case, Hermione just wasn't up for another conversation just yet.

Hermione stood as she committed to leaving the room. In case Ginny was around, Hermione very carefully and tentatively opened the door. She peeked her head around the corner to find nothing but relative darkness. She took a few careful steps forward into the hall when her ears perked up at the sound of someone shifting on the couch. Through the dark, Hermione saw Ginny's sit up. With a sigh, Hermione turned on the lights.

They stared at each other wordlessly for several seconds. It only took that long for anger to bubble in Hermione's veins over the saddened look Ginny gave her. She didn't pay any attention to Ginny opening her mouth to speak and instead just rolled right over her.

"Stop looking at me like that!"

"Like what?" Ginny asked as she shook her head, clearly a bit stunned by Hermione's abrupt outburst.

Hermione searched her mind for a coherent and logical explanation, but could find none. Her lack of reasoning caused her to grow further annoyed and she merely let out an aggravated grunt as she crossed her arms before her retort.

"This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you."

She walked off before Ginny could question her further, but she also wasn't surprised in the least when Ginny got up and followed her into the bedroom.

"Hermione. Stop. Talk to me. I know you're pissed off, and you have every reason to be, but please, I'm just trying to help."

"Just leave it alone, Ginny. Can you do that?" Hermione said harshly as she rounded on the redhead. From the expression on Ginny's face, Hermione could tell that dropping the subject was the last thing Ginny wanted to do. The brunette huffed in annoyance and began pulling clothes out of the closet. "I'm going to work early. I have a lot to do. I dont-"

"You should rest," Ginny calmly interjected. "Working 10 or 12 hours days can't be good for you. You-"

"Just stop, Ginny!" Hermione pleaded. "This is my cross to bear, not yours. I'll deal with things the way I want to. So just - stop - meddling."

"What the fuck, Mione! You want me to just, what, stop being concerned at all about your well being. Let you do things that will, I dunno, make..._things_ worse? How can you expect me to do that? If the situations were reversed you would put me in a body bind and hold me hostage here."

Hermione's eyes flashed dangerously at the woman before her.

"I don't need to be put in a body bind, Ginny. I'll be like that soon enough. I don't need magic to help. Now if you excuse me, I need to leave."

With that, Hermione disapparated before Ginny could get in another word.

* * *

The next few days carried on in much the same way; fight after fight, tension compounding day in and day out. Hermione was antagonistic towards Ginny without due cause and she felt regret over her behaviour, but somehow she couldn't manage to help herself.

One evening, Hermione was working late yet again and Ginny came into her office. Previously, Ginny's interruption would've been a welcome one, but now, it did nothing but spark the brunette's anger.

All Ginny wanted was to bring Hermione out for dinner and to ask her for her appointment schedule. The younger girl insisted on being there for Hermione's appointments and had already spoken with her coach about coordinating her schedule with the brunette's. Instead of being grateful, Hermione rebuffed Ginny's offer and asserted that the other girl didn't need to be there.

Of course, Ginny refused to accept this and flat out reminded Hermione that the brunette knew her better than that and should know that Ginny would find out her schedule one way or another and would show up to those appointments, so she might as well make it easier on both of them and just tell her now. It was true, Hermione did know that and she ultimately resigned, giving the redhead her list of appointments.

Ginny was as charming as ever about the whole thing and Hermione could see the hurt in her eyes over Hermione's reluctance and antagonism, but again, Hermione just couldn't resist.

Where Ginny once inspired nothing but affection and adoration, she now inspired a puzzling brew of spite and contempt. It was very clear to Hermione though, that Ginny didn't deserve this treatment. Ginny was sweet, she took initiative, she was positive, but all of it just irritated Hermione.

Her readings of medical journals and the like had slowed - the endless despair was beginning to take a toll. Rather than go home, she preferred to go out, as uncharacteristic as that may have been. She just wanted to go out, be normal, attempt to forget.

One evening she sat in the Leaky Cauldron with a few colleagues. This was about as close to forgetting as she could get - but even with them, word had gotten around within her team about her diagnosis and they were looking at her much the same way as Ginny was - but at least with them the pity and sadness was merely fleeting.

She was listening intently to a colleague's story when movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. She looked over to see Harry and Ron approaching. The group made room for them and soon Hermione found herself somehow segregated from the rest and under Harry and Ron's scrutinizing looks.

"Where's Ginny?" Harry asked. His tone was affable, but Hermione knew what he was getting at. Hermione shrugged as she casually sipped her butterbeer.

While Harry simply frowned at her response, Ron blew up.

"You can't just shut Ginny out like this! She loves you and she's just trying to be supportive. She's driving herself crazy with doubt - she thinks she's handling everything wrong and pushing you away and she's blaming herself!"

Hermione dropped his accusing stare as guilt flooded her system. She subconsciously tightened the grip on her glass.

"I don't know," she managed to say quietly. "It's not her fault...I just - I can't right now. Okay?"

"You're not the only one dealing with this, Hermione," Ron forged on, ignoring the way Harry hushed him. "It's true. You got a raw deal - no denying that. It's terrible. But Ginny's devastated. I've never seen her like this. You've gotta talk to her, even just a little."

Despite her best efforts, tears began to form in Hermione's eyes and she couldn't speak. Her lip quivered and she couldn't bring herself to look Ron in the eyes.

Her eyes closed in upset as Ron got up from the table and left. She clenched her jaw and willed herself to calm down. Her efforts were nearly undone when Harry reached out his hand and rest it against hers, giving it a light squeeze. She nodded her understanding.

Hermione arrived home shortly after to discover Ginny reading on the couch. When she arrived, the redhead smiled up at her and greeted her.

"Hi Gin," Hermione responded, trying to sound normal. "Um, how's your evening been?"

"Not bad," Ginny replied as she held up her book for Hermione to see. "How was yours?"

"Not bad," Hermione reciprocated while offering as genuine a smile as she could. "I know I'm late. I had to put in some extra hours, but I got a lot done."

She knew she shouldn't lie, but to tell Ginny that she was out at the Cauldron laughing and having a good time with anyone other than her would do nothing but magnify the girl's hurt and rejection.

"Well, no working late on Friday, okay?" Ginny said in a chipper manner as she sat up to face Hermione. "A new exhibit is opening up downtown that night and I got us tickets. Doors open at 6. I have a press junket that afternoon, but I'll be sure to be back in time."

Hermione offered her lover a tight smile. She should've been ecstatic about the plans, instead she was dragging her feet, purposely even. Every action, every word that came out of Ginny's mouth just seemed to be this desperate attempt to appease, or it just felt so...off. One thing Hermione could always count on Ginny for was sincerity and honesty. While she knew Ginny truly wanted to do all of the things she did and offered, and was genuinely supportive, it all felt so different and Hermione didn't like it one bit.

Ginny seemed quick to pick up on Hermione's lack of enthusiasm and backtracked accordingly.

"We don't have to go. We can go to something else, not a problem," she offered freely.

"Don't second guess yourself, Ginny. I don't want us to go to the museum just because you think I want to - you should want to as well."

Hermione caught the somber look on Ginny's face and looked away.

"I thought it would be a nice evening. And I thought it would be a thoughtful gift," Ginny explained evenly.

"I don't need gifts."

"I've always liked doing things for you."

This was true. Even during her worst moods, Hermione couldn't deny this. Ginny had always made a point of, well, spoiling her. She'd told Ginny time and time again, though usually in a much more affectionate way, that she didn't need gifts, but Ginny gladly carried on.

Hermione chose to drop the subject and went to pick up her book. She missed on her first try and her incompetence infuriated her. She snatched the book up angrily on her second attempt and stalked off towards the bedroom. She was nearly at the door when she heard Ginny speak up, at first hesitantly before gaining quiet confidence.

"You need to do your exercises. We'll do them together."

"Mind your own business!" Hermione yelled as she stormed the rest of the way to the bedroom and slammed the door loudly behind her.

She threw the book down on the bed and sat down heavily on the edge of the bed staring forward enraged. She eased up a bit, but remained motionless for several moments before doing a few reps of her hand exercises.

A few reps in, her hand began to hurt and when it began to tremble, she stopped abruptly. She grabbed her book once more and threw herself back on the bed to begin reading.

That was the night Ginny began sleeping in the guest room.

* * *

A couple of days later, Hermione sat in her parent's living room delivering words that she never wanted to say and words she knew they never wanted or expected to hear. She sat alone on the couch, her parents across from her. Ginny had offered to come, but the older girl had refused.

Hermione sat silently as she processed the looks of shock and devastation cross her parents faces. She should've told them sooner, she knew this, but somehow waiting a couple of days had turned into a month. She saw as they both tried to catch themselves, compose themselves, try to be strong, but no amount of lies could cover up the loss and sadness they felt.

They asked her the usual questions and she answered calmly, almost impassively. Finally, the topic turned to Ginny.

"How is Ginny handling this? Was she busy today?"

"Ginny couldn't be here," Hermione responded curtly.

From the expressions on her parents' faces, she could see they got the wrong impression and Hermione corrected them.

"I asked her not to come," Hermione explained with a sigh.

They were quiet for a moment, exchanging a glance. Eventually they asked the inevitable.

"Why?"

She exhaled heavily, allowing her gaze to flick across the room before facing her parents once more.

"It's...difficult to explain," she started, aware of how helpless and clueless she sounded. "It's just more preferable to be around Harry or Ron. Or even better, people who don't know that I'm sick. I just want things to be as normal as possible and...I can't have that with Ginny."

"Well," her dad started gently, "I can understand wanting things to be normal. But Harry and Ron and your friends. They're supposed to help you relax and have fun. Ginny should do that too, but truth is, she has the toughest role. She has to look out for you, make sure you're following physician's orders. Chances are she's the one who has to bring you both back to reality...unfortunately."

Her mother offered a sympathetic glance before adding on, "It sounds like maybe you're taking your frustrations out on Ginny. I know you're upset...you have every right to be. Sometimes it's hardest to deal with someone who showers you with affection - sometimes it makes things too real. I remember when you were a kid, if you fell and hurt yourself, you didn't like being coddled - it embarrassed you, you were...proud, independent."

Hermione offered a slow nod of acknowledgement.

"Yes...I remember being that way," she admitted. She thought about how she changed as she got older - did she still react that way? How did Ginny act if she was ever hurt or embarrassed? The recollection angered her once more.

"Ginny usually just laughs things off. She's always sweet if I'm upset or hurt, but she's good-natured about it. She picks me up, brushes me off, asks me if I'm okay, cracks a joke and we carry on. It was simple! And Ginny...when I'm angry about things, when I blow up, she never cowered. Okay, I'm blowing up at her in ways I haven't necessarily before, but I've certainly been upset with her and we've yelled, but she's never backed down. But now, she's...submissive, almost. She's so..._earnest_, and grim. But she tries so hard to appear unbothered...but instead, she just," she shook her head, "she's just this outpouring of emotion and I can't take it."

"Well, maybe it would be helpful if Ginny were to act more casual," her father conceded. "But I don't doubt at all that Ginny's doing the best that she can. She needs time to adjust too."

"Well her best isn't good enough," Hermione snapped without a second thought. She sighed dismissively as her parents shared a look over her outburst. She carried on. "No point in getting upset over it. It's happening, I might as well accept it. Carry on. Lots of bad things happen to lots of people. I'm no more special or worse off than the rest."

"That doesn't mean that you can't be sad or upset," her mother asserted. "It doesn't change your situation."

"No," Hermione retaliated before taking the edge off a bit. "But perspective is important. I'm lucky I didn't die years ago during the war." She paused briefly. She felt her expression change and a brief unhinged laugh escaped her mouth. "Not that I didn't have plans for the years I thought were to come, but, hey, that's life. I got a few more years than I should've." She steeled herself. "Fine. Thank the universe."

Her dad gazed as her with such love that it made her want to tear up. She did.

"Honey, nobody should have to deal with this alone. And you're not alone, but, I really think that it would be helpful for you to be able to talk to someone about this. Someone who isn't Ginny, isn't Harry, Ron, or us. Someone entirely different. There are a lot of things you're coping with right now and I think that being able to vent them in a safe, neutral environment would make a big difference. I mean this is the best way possible - it's entirely natural and it's common for people to speak with someone about these struggles."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Are you suggesting I see a therapist?"

"I have to second what your father suggested. Honey, we just want what's best for you and want you to have the best tools to deal with this," her mother replied.

Hermione was ready to fire off a retort, but something stopped her. Instead, she sat anxiously, her shoulders taut as she rubbed her knees compulsively and she contemplated their request. Finally, she nodded.

"I'll think about it. I'll, uh, try to set something up soon."

* * *

A few weeks passed before Hermione found herself standing in front of the door to a recommended therapist's office. She stared at the nameplate for several moments before taking a deep breath and pushing the door open and stepping inside. She nearly winced at the uneasy sensation the fluorescent lights gave her, but all things considered, it was a fairly nice office. She noticed the woman behind the desk eyeing her and tentatively approached.

"Um, hi, I'm Hermione Granger. I have an appointment with Dr. Thiessen?" She stated, while sounding very uncertain. The woman benevolently smiled and did her best to make her feel welcome.

"Of course. I have you down here for 10am - perfect. Please feel free to take a seat, she should be out soon. There'll be some initial paperwork to fill out, but you won't have to do that until you're actually in her office."

"Sure," Hermione said with an uneasy nod as she offered a tight smile. She stood awkwardly for a moment before rigidly walking towards a vacant seat. There were two other patients waiting, she assumed, for other doctors. She glanced discretely at them, wondering why they were here. The office offered therapy for all sorts of issues and scenarios. She wondered what they thought of her. Could they tell?

Her thoughts continued to get away from her to the point that she noticed her breathing growing shallow and hurried. Her hands were clenched tightly together and she sat pin straight in her chair. The frown on her face was so deep that her muscles hurt and she couldn't stop thinking, she couldn't stop worrying. She checked her watch anxiously as her heart beat louder in her chest.

Before she even realized it, Hermione had gathered up her purse and her feet were leading her away. Before they called her name for her appointment, she left.

**AN**: Hello everyone! Sorry for the lack of a note in the previous chapter. I threw the chapter up before I headed out of town and was slightly pressed for time! But, I'd like to thank everyone for their feedback - it really helps me and I always appreciate it. For anyone wondering why Hermione is with Ginny in this story, well, the story isn't canon, at all, because Hermione (and apparently no other female characters in the entire HP universe) were lesbians, so...there you have it. Suspend your disbelief ;) You may also notice that the pace is fairly quick in this story - I hope that works okay :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Hermione's legs continued to carry her until she was well into another neighborhood. She slowed when she came to a crosswalk and let her mind wander as she waited for the light to change. She glanced around until her eyes fell upon a coffee shop across the street from where she was. When the light changed, she began to make her way over.

As she stood in line she thought of dozens of excuses as to why she was justified in missing her appointment. She'd reschedule for a better time.

With a sigh, she took a seat at a vacant table in the shop and began to read one of the local papers. Her eyes skimmed the articles, but her thoughts kept shifting back to her parents request that she see a therapist. She didn't _really_ need it. She was fine. What she was dealing with wasn't easy and it was normal for her to maybe have a couple of missteps - no need for a therapist. She just needed a bit of time to adjust.

"Excuse me."

Hermione's gaze snapped upward, a frown on her face as she looked up.

"Hi, sorry, is this chair free? Would I be able to move it to my table over there?" A girl asked.

"Oh," Hermione said, her features softening and she shook her head apologetically. "Sure, yeah, of course."

"Thanks, I appreciate it," the girl said as she offered Hermione a smile. She was about to leave when her eyes focused on the newspaper Hermione held. "Oh my gosh, that's terrible, isn't it?" She said as she pointed to the article.

"What?" Hermione asked a bit clueless before she turned to the article in question. "Oh yes, absolutely. I was just reading about it. I, um, yeah, it's so devastating that they weren't able to save the house at all. I can't imagine how that feels."

"Yeah, exactly," the girl agreed in earnest. "My cousin's house had some flood damage in their basement once and that was devastating enough. I can't imagine something of this scale though. I hope the government will be able to help."

Hermione nodded. "Yeah, me too."

"Okay, well, enjoy your coffee," the girl said with another smile. "Bye now!"

"Bye," Hermione said with a hint of breathlessness as she returned the girl's smile. She returned her gaze back to her newspaper, but glanced up briefly to look over at the girl once more. A smile formed on Hermione's face and she realized that her nerves were buzzing over the exchange. It was so...normal. The girl didn't have a clue who she was, didn't know her history, her struggles; it was just a normal conversation. It somehow took a huge weight off of her. Hermione adored it.

* * *

For the time ever, Hermione was desperately looking forward to playoff season starting. Normally, she always met it with some level of ambivalence. She knew how much it meant to Ginny and how hard Ginny worked leading up to it, but when the tournaments started, that meant that Ginny would be on the road and not around nearly as much. She missed Ginny at this time of year.

However, now, she felt horrible for willing the days to pass so Ginny would be on the road again. She still loved Ginny...at least, that's what she believed – had to believe – but for some reason, any time Ginny was around, she'd pick a fight. Ginny had consistently slept in the guest room and now the only time they didn't fight was if they didn't speak at all, and in those cases, the tension was palpable. She knew Ginny was trying, and she knew Ginny was hurting, but that's probably what upset Hermione the most - she didn't want any of it.

Her troubles with Ginny had further created a rift between her and Ron as well. Despite all of Ron's years of indifference towards Ginny, he'd certainly come to her defense in recent weeks and months. Thankfully, Hermione had prevented herself from placing blame on Ginny for this - she knew Ginny wasn't initiating this. In fact, Hermione felt it was entirely fueled by Ron and she also had a hint of suspicion that Ron was using it as an excuse to create space.

Hermione knew Ron cared for her and that he was loyal, he'd proved that time and time again, but Ron just didn't know how to deal with certain things. He'd dealt with Fred's death by _not_ dealing with it. All these years later, she and Harry could hardly mention Fred in front of Ron without him growing irate or moody.

Not that Hermione had any right to criticize someone for not dealing with their problems - she was now just as guilty of this, probably more so. And it was entirely puzzling and so incredibly frustrating even to her. If this was _any_ other situation, she would've sorted out her options, determined a plan of action, and executed it - simple as that. However, she was stuck in some sort of limbo instead. She knew all of the things she _should_ be doing, the things she _should_ be feeling and thinking, but instead she shut everything out - it was the only way to begin to feel like she had even an ounce of power or say in her life.

She'd never rebooked that appointment with the therapist. Her parents had followed up and asked and she lied through her teeth. She had the feeling they might've seen through her, but if they had, they didn't speak a word of it.

"Where are your bags?" Hermione asked when it came time for Ginny to leave.

"What bags?" Ginny asked.

Hermione tutted in irritation. "Your quidditch gear and your overnight things for when you're on the road," she replied sharply.

"Oh. Well, I spoke with Tithania - I'm not going on the road this season. They'll play the tournament without me - Susan will step in as captain," Ginny explained. Hermione was about to speak up when Ginny carried on. "Don't worry though. Under these circumstances, I'll still receive pay - not my full salary, but more than enough for us to get by. And depending on how things go, I may have a job lined up with the Prophet. Flexible hours and hardly any travel involved."

"Ginny...you've worked for years to become captain and you finally got it this year," Hermione stated in what she inwardly realized was probably the gentlest voice she'd used with Ginny in what felt like numerous weeks.

"So?" Ginny replied without skipping a beat. "That doesn't matter to me."

Hermione softened even more at the quiet proclamation and for a split second she saw them embracing, her leaning on Ginny the way she perhaps should, or at least reaching out to her again, letting her in, feeling comfortable with her, eager to be with her. In a moment though, that toxic part of her hurriedly banished the fantasy away.

"You can't stay, Gin," she relented enough to use her nickname for the redhead. "I don't want this. Things will change for me eventually, but you don't have to give up your dreams or your life."

Ginny frowned at her. "You keep referring to you and not us. I'm not leaving you, Hermione. And I'm sorry if you thought that all these years quidditch was my priority. It never was."

For some reason, Hermione sighed, forcing herself to sound more exasperated than she felt.

"Ginny. Call Tithania, tell her you're playing."

"No," Ginny said calmly, yet firmly. "You have a lot of appointments and treatments coming up and I want to be there."

"Well _I_ want you to participate in the season," Hermione countered, undeterred.

"I understand," Ginny replied easily with a few nods before shrugging casually, "but no. I'm staying."

"Ginny," Hermione implored more aggressively than not.

"End of discussion," Ginny stated as she stood from the couch with her book. "My career. My call," she finished confidently before allowing her gaze to shift as her voice lowered. "I'll stay out of your hair as much as possible. Don't worry. You'll have your _space_."

Hermione went to speak, but the words died in her throat. Instead she stared sternly at Ginny who was just begging her to correct her statement. A bitter chuckle escaped Ginny's throat after a few prolonged moments and her head dropped.

"Kay. Night, then."

Hermione should've called out to Ginny, jumped up and stopped her from departing, but instead she leaned back on the couch until she heard the audible click of the door closing. She felt sick to her stomach over the exchange, but her pride, her stubbornness, her…disregard, prevented her from mending the ties between them.

She took a moment to picture them as they were now. She hardly even recognized them, and she most certainly didn't recognize herself.

* * *

Hermione forced a laugh over a comment one of her colleagues made. She tried to stay engaged and just be in a better mood, but she just wasn't in the right mindset. She was distracted and felt weighed down by everything that was going on. However, being here and pretending was better than being at home.

"Is this seat taken?"

A jolt went through Hermione as Ginny's voice pierced her consciousness. She whipped her head around to look up at the redhead who stood casually behind her. It only took a glance to see the icy look in Ginny's eyes.

"Ginny! We kept asking Hermione where you were! So good to see you," the colleagues greeted in turn and Ginny gave them a close-lipped smile as she took up a seat next to Hermione on the bench and fixed her gaze on the brunette.

"Hello, love," Ginny greeted.

Hermione averted her gaze and fiddled with her mug. She forced herself to look back at Ginny and gave the girl a smile. "Hi Ginny. How are you? What are you doing here?" She asked as tactfully as she could to avoid arousing suspicion.

"I'm fine. The flat was a little quiet and I figured I'd find you here. Just thought I'd swing by, sneak in a visit," Ginny explained in a civil manner that probably wouldn't alert anyone else, but Hermione was well aware that Ginny was mad. Hermione guessed that she'd stayed out one night too many. The guilt she felt quickly changed until she was self-righteous and indignant.

"Surprised to see you here, Ginny. I thought the Harpies had a game coming up," Miranda said.

Hermione couldn't help herself. "They do. Ginny's sitting out this season."

"Oh, really? Why?" One colleague asked and was quickly nudged by another.

Ginny took it in stride. "I just want to make sure I'm around. It's too difficult if I'm playing and I have to coordinate practices and games with everything else."

"That makes total sense," Clifford offered. "Well, the Harpies will be missing you, I'm sure."

The discussion continued on and the tension only seemed to get more and more palpable until Hermione found herself rising from the bench and walking away. She was vibrating with frustration and she could hardly be bothered to care that she was out in public and someone would certainly question her hasty departure.

She stepped outside and the chilly night air hitting her lungs felt refreshing. The cool air calmed her down just a touch and her hurried steps slowed. She folded her arms against her chest as she heard the door to the Cauldron swing open. Her eyes closed in a mixture of acceptance and defeat as she heard familiar footsteps approaching.

"Hermione!" Ginny whispered harshly. Hermione stilled, but she didn't turn around. "So, what, you can't even stand to be in the same room as me anymore?"

The older girl sighed heavily as she looked up at the dark sky above. She turned.

"I just needed some fresh air," she explained flatly. The look Ginny gave her caused Hermione to drop her gaze to the cobble street below.

"Don't lie to me. Just say what you want to say. You've never been shy about it before - what's holding you back now?" Ginny challenged.

"Why don't you just go back inside, Ginny," Hermione retorted. "You wanted to spend the evening at the Cauldron - so go on."

"Oh, _I_ did? I must be the one who goes there every day after work and simply avoiding coming home. Yeah, that must be me."

"Well with that attitude, no wonder I don't rush home to curl up on the couch with you," Hermione reproached.

Ginny didn't retaliate immediately, instead she stared intently at Hermione for several moments before speaking.

"I've been taking your bullshit because I know you're hurting and I know you need to take it out on someone, but now I see it's not doing anyone any good. I won't put up with it anymore. You _will_ respect me. You don't have to like me, but you will respect me and you won't treat me like a piece of dirt. Dying or not, you have no right to treat me that way - I don't deserve it."

Ginny's words hit home and they hit home hard. She wanted to cry and for so many reasons, perhaps the most prominent reason right now being that instead of being remorseful, she felt infuriated over Ginny calling her out on things and being oh so right. The responsibility was on Hermione - this entire mess was her fault and there was no one else to blame, yet she couldn't take it in stride, instead, she got angry.

"I have a solution for all of this conflict and negativity - let's split up. You're the only one who inspires this kind of reaction in me and quite frankly it's getting to be too much to handle."

"Split up? As in breakup?" Ginny asked flatly and slightly disbelieving.

"Sure, Gin, however you'd like to define it," Hermione replied scathingly.

The redhead scoffed. "Great. Good solution, Hermione. There's a problem here, I guess we should just walk away. That seems healthy and positive. But I guess you storming out of the pub, you ignoring me and us sleeping in different rooms should've been a hint."

"What else would you have us do? All we do is fight. Everytime I'm around you, you just set my teeth on edge. I can't stand it and all I want to do is get away."

Hermione saw hurt flash across Ginny's features, but the redhead quickly vanquished any remnants of it and steeled her gaze instead.

"If that's how you feel..."

Hermione, against all rationale and logic, felt disappointed and even hurt by Ginny's lack of a fiery response. Her acceptance of Hermione's feelings isn't what the brunette expected or wanted.

"Yes," Hermione replied with vindication. Hermione watched as Ginny's gaze morphed into quiet fury. It spurred Hermione to go on. "Hm. Guess it's a good thing we didn't take vows. A lot of good that would've done us. In sickness and in health? Til death do us part? Sounds like a load of rubbish to me," she said as her voice broke.

"That's _your_ call. Quite frankly I can't _stand_ you right now, and why should I? You've done nothing but reject me, ignore me, fight with me. You know who you are to me, you know what kind of impact you have on me, and you've used that against me. But, still, I have to believe that we can move past this. I won't leave you," Ginny explained in exasperation. "I don't want to break up! I just want things to be better."

"Well they're not going to get better, Ginny! They're going to get worse!"

"I meant your behaviour and your shitty attitude!" The redhead yelled back.

"So go! I don't want you here. You're right, it's not fair me to treat you poorly. But I can't make any promises to improve, so I'll do the only thing I can. You're right, I'm angry, I'm so _fucking _angry about everything. I feel l can hardly contain it. You're a good person, Ginny - I can't deny that. But I can't love you right now. There's no room for it. It's better for both of us if I leave. I just can't do this right now. I can't commit to anyone or anything - not even you."

Hermione didn't know how she ended up on this slippery slope, but suddenly she was charging down it and she just let gravity take her away.

Ginny must've been aware of the change in tone and mood as she dropped her indignant behaviour immediately and stood solemnly before the older girl. "Hermione...look. Okay. We both said some things that were a little over the top. We can work through this...there's no need to be rash."

"Ginny," Hermione implored. "Don't make this harder than it needs to be. You know I'm right."

"No, I don't! That's your problem - you always think you're right. You're not! You don't always know the answers and you don't always have the tools to cope with things and if you'd just admit to that, then maybe we could work through this," Ginny argued, her voice nearly begging.

"Gin, please! I just can't be with you. It's bad for both of us."

"For you, apparently," the younger girl snapped, the hurt in voice no secret.

"Oh, so you've enjoyed the way we've fought. The way I've treated you," Hermione challenged coolly.

The redhead delivered an irritated side-long glance before replying purposefully. "No. In fact I have not enjoyed those things. But, I didn't come out here and start this discussion with the intention of it culminating in a breakup. I can tell you that. I just wanted to work through some things and start fresh - but _you_ keep escalating things."

"I'm sorry," Hermione offered sincerely. "I should've done this weeks ago. I'm sorry I mistreated you - you didn't deserve it. And I'll miss you...I can't even fathom this," she went on with an airless chuckle, aware that she nearing the end of this path. She leapt. "But this is what I should and need to do."

To Hermione's surprise, Ginny teared up before her eyes.

"You'll miss me, but you'll leave anyway. That's real special. Thank you, Hermione. That makes complete sense. Always the voice of reason, you are!" Her lip trembled momentarily and she narrowed her eyes angrily at Hermione. "'Weeks ago'. Are you fucking kidding me? We've been together for nearly a decade and that's all going to be undone by 'weeks'?"

"You know I've been shutting you out since I got my diagnosis," Hermione said quietly and with more calm than either had expressed all evening. She shrugged in defeat. "What do you want me to say? It's been undeniably bad for months? It's most certainly been like that for the past several weeks. It's only getting worse." She took a deep breath and looked to Ginny beseechingly. "Please try to understand. This has no reflection upon you..."

"Fuck you," Ginny seethed. "Fuck you for being so weak and for giving up. I thought you were stronger. And I thought you loved me more than this. I guess I was mistaken."

Seeing Ginny so unhinged, knowing that she'd finally driven Ginny to that point, cause tears to immediately come and Hermione's face crumbled under the emotion. Ginny was infuriated, but Hermione could see the girl's tears building and threatening to spill over.

"Go ahead and cry! See if I give a shit!" Ginny yelled with such anguish that Hermione could do nothing but cry harder. Ginny wiped at her eyes angrily as tears finally began to mark up her cheeks.

This entire thing had gotten completely out of control. They were both hurting and out for blood and Hermione had to disengage. What she said had been true though - she couldn't be in a relationship right now. She just wasn't in the right state and she wasn't sure if she would be again. She didn't want to be alone, Ginny meant so much to her, even at this time, even if she couldn't get over these other emotions, but a life without Ginny isn't one she'd ever wanted. However, right now, she just didn't have the capacity to be with the girl she'd loved most.

"I'll pick up my things tomorrow," Hermione said calmly as she tried to blink away tears.

"No," Ginny pleaded quietly. "You don't have to do this. It's fine...we just need to cool off. I can stay at my mum's for a bit if you need some space..."

Hermione shook her head sadly - apologetically.

Tears pooled in Ginny's eyes once again.

"Don't go."

Somehow, Hermione found it in herself to quickly close the space between them and lean forward to plant a fleeting kiss on the younger girl's cheek. The gesture caused Ginny to dissolve into tears and Hermione felt as though the wind was knocked out of her. She offered the girl as much of a smile as she could. Ultimately, she had to tear her eyes away to prevent herself from crumbling.

"Be good, Ginny. And please don't blame yourself. You did everything you could've. This is entirely on me. You couldn't help me, and it's my fault."

Tears began to escape Ginny's eyes again, but she stood there, arms crossed, attempting to look confident.

"I don't care, Hermione. I know you're hurting and that's why you're doing this. It's fine. When you feel better...let's talk, okay? I'll give you space. Maybe I have been smothering you...I didn't mean to. But, I still love you more than anything. I'll be at your appointments - if not as your girlfriend, then as your friend. You shouldn't have to go through this alone."

Hermione felt like she wasn't in control of anything anymore. She couldn't believe this was happening and that she was responsible. Surely, she couldn't be. She would never leave Ginny.

"...Goodbye, Gin."

**AN**: Hello again! Well, there wasn't exactly good news in this chapter. It's not all downhill from here though, I do promise that. Be patient, please ;) I would love to hear more feedback though! It would absolutely thrill me lol. Thanks again for taking the time to read this story.


End file.
